Lovers Ties
by KoolJack1
Summary: Diff take on NM.Edward doesn't have the heart to leave Bella.Their relationship changes and grows. Told in Edward's POV.I was considering rewriting it in Bellas POV after im done, tell me what u think of that idea.Reviews make me want to write more, hint;
1. Stronger Then Love

I knew what was coming, I knew what I had to do. I once told Bella that, the fact that I could leave her, proved that I loved her more, that I was willing to hurt myself to make sure she was safe. I promised her I would protect her, I promised her I would keep her safe, and that was a promise I was not going to break. I kept repeating in my mind that this is what had to be done, this is what I had to do. I repeated my lines over and over again, making sure I wouldn't chicken out, I couldn't turn back now.

_It's for the best Edward, don't be selfish, protect Bella, protect your Bella. It's the right thing to do Edward, it's best for her, you don't matter, she is the only thing that matters, her safety, her well-being. _

I knocked on the front door, she answered. I felt terrible about how I had been treating her lately, I knew it was hurting her, it was hurting me too, but the separation had to start somewhere. Neither of us said anything, I could hear her heart beating faster and faster with worry. I was sure if my heart was still beating, it would be pounding at a faster rate then normal, too.

"Bella, we have to talk." My voice was harsh, rough, giving away no emotion.

She said nothing as I turned away from her and started walking to the back of her house, I knew she was following. I tried to relax the ache in my throat. The sound of her pounding heart and unsteady breathing hinted that she knew that this was not going to be a pleasant conversation, but I don't think she understood how unpleasant it was going to be, for the both of us. I stopped just inside the woods and turned, she was not far behind me, and I waited patiently, watching her every move, committing it to memory.

"Bella, we are leaving now." I wanted to cry at the words.

"I thought we were going to move after I had become a vam-."

"By we, I mean, my family and I, the rest of us have already moved, I stayed so I would be able to say goodbye." I wanted to say, so I could say goodbye to my true love, my heart, my reason to live, but I couldn't, my thoughts were frozen.

"What about...me..what about us...Edward...why are you doing this...I love you.."

I heard the sadness in her voice, and I swallowed the lump that was forming deep in my throat. I was in love with her, so in love, that I knew I couldn't live without her for long, but I had to make sure I was really what she wanted, I didn't want to take her human life away from her, she was to good for me, she deserved better.

"I am breaking up with you Bella, I love you, but not enough for me to stay here any longer."

I held my breathe as tears rolled down her face. I wanted nothing more then to reach out to her, pull her close to me and kiss her gently, and tell her how much I loved her, and tell her why I was really doing this, but I couldn't, she would convince me to stay then.

"If that's what you want..."

"It is Bella, and I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry we ever met, I won't bother you anymore."

She bowed her head and sniffled, if I could cry, I would have. I had to say something more, I had to let her know I still cared, at least a little.

"Promise me this, please Bella, don't do anything reckless, please...don't hurt yourself.."

She looked into my eyes, her big, brown, loving eyes were now filled with sadness and hurt, sadness and hurt caused by me. It was the last memory of her beautiful face I would ever have, the last memory of my life I would ever have.

"I promise.." I wasn't sure if she would keep her promise. Suddenly, I heard Carlisle in my thoughts, and I felt my muscles tense.

'_Edward, its time to go, I know its hard, just remember its for the best.'_

It was for the best, wasn't it? I wasn't sure how to leave, I had to touch her, to kiss, her, to hold her, just one more time, I had to, I couldn't leave without doing that, I owed her that much. I was afraid if I hugged her, I wouldn't be able to let go, I took a step away from here, trying to resist.

'_If its to hard Edward, you don't have to do this to yourself, or her, she will be fine with you there Edward.'_

Carlisle was making it harder, he was wrong, I had to leave, I had to do this, to keep her safe. I know he was just trying to help, just trying to be my father, to make sure he did all he could to give me all my options, but he was wrong this time, this had to be done. I blocked his thoughts, he wasn't helping, he was making it harder. I looked at Bella and swallowed hard.

"I'm so sorry Bella, really, I am, you have no idea how sorry I am, I will always love you in some way, you will always have a special place in my heart, just remember that, and what you promised me, and everything will be okay." I was hoping she would say something, I wanted to hear her sweet voice one more time, but she said nothing.

"I have to go now Bella, I love you..." _I love you_ _forever and ever and ever, my words can't explain how much I love you my Bella, my one and only true love, please find some way to forgive me for this._

That's what I wanted to say, but I held my tongue, this was hard enough without me making it harder. Still she didn't speak, and I turned to leave, taking one last glance at her, taking in her every curve, her every feature, her wonderful scent, committing it all to memory. I turned to walk away, at a slower then human pace which I was not used to, but I couldn't bring myself to move any faster then this.

"Edward, wait, please wait Edward..."

I froze, not sure if I should turn around or bolt. I stayed still, glancing over my shoulder a little. She was there then, her warm arms around my waist, I knew I should break free from her, I knew I should run and never look back, but I couldn't. She pressed her tear soaked face to the back of my shirt and sobbed.

"Please Edward, I'm in love with you, I can't live without you, I want to spend forever with you..."

I turned to face her, gingerly wrapping my around her waist as she buried her head into my chest. I felt her heart beating against my chest, there was just one heart beat that I heard, but I didn't know better, I would have thought my heart was beating, too. The pounding of her organ, throbbing hard, keeping her alive, it was beating for me too, keeping me alive, we were one.

"Bella, I am in love with you too, I don't want to leave you, but its for the better, it's to dangerous with me here, I can't stay with you Bella.."

"Yes Edward, you can, you can do anything you want. You are not dangerous, you protect me, you have saved my life time and time again, that's how we met Edward, you saved my life, just by being with me, you saved my life."

The words she spoke, I knew they were true. I had never told her that it was the same for me, she had saved my life too. I never knew what I was looking for before I found Bella, I always thought I was happy to just be alone, to never love or be loved. I never knew that the true reason I felt that was, was something much different then happiness, it was the exact opposite actually. I was afraid to love, I didn't think I was good enough for anyone, I was hardly good enough for myself, let alone anyone else, I was afraid to love, afraid the person I loved wouldn't return the same feelings. I was wrong, Bella showed me that, and then I realized that was what I really wanted all along.

"I want you safe Bella, I want nothing more then to make sure your safe."

"I will be safe, with you..."

"You can't be safe with me, I am a demon, a killer..."

"You are no such thing." She took my face in her hands and forced me to look at her.

"You are not a demon, you are not a killer, you know what you are? You are Edward Cullen, the most amazing man in the world, who has a beautiful soul, a beautiful body, and a clever mind."

"Your wrong Bella, I have no soul, there is nothing beautiful about me..."

"Your correct, Edward, beautiful is an understatement."

"How could you say that, I am a vampire, the devils child, the blood thirsty killers that haunt children's dreams until they are 12, star in all the famous horror movies dating all the way back to Dracula, the ones tha-."

She silenced me with her lips on mine. I didn't pull away, I didn't let her go, I let her kiss me deeply, lovingly. Her fingers knotted in my hair, pulling me closer to her. I let her, not resisting in anyway, even though we both knew I could break the kiss with a gentle tug, but I didn't. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, and mine met hers, they twisted gently together and she exhaled through her nose with a small sigh. I wanted more, I craved more, feelings surged through me and I grasped her tightly, forcing myself closer to her warmth. Even with my extremely low body temperature, I felt hot.

"Bella wait, stop." I pulled my head back, out of her reach. She jumped, standing on her tippy toes and tilting her head until her mouth found my throat. I forced my head to stay still letting her teeth, tongue and lips attack my neck. I felt her jugular vein throb against the bottom of my jaw. I couldn't stifle the moan the rose in my throat, and it escaped my lips in a hushed whisper of need. The sound made her move faster, her teeth gnawing at my Adams apple. If my skin could bruise, it would have from the force she was using, but it didn't hurt, not at all, it felt incredibly good. She pulled her mouth from my neck, gasping for air for only a brief second before her mouth returned, this time to the side of my neck and my jaw line. Her heart was beating faster, and I felt excitement over whelm me.

Suddenly, her hands moved from behind my back, to my chest. She held them there for a few seconds, before sliding them down further, reaching my stomach. I held still as she moved to the other side of my neck, moving her hands lower, moving them up and under my shirt so her warm hands were on my bare chest. I shuddered, she was so warm. Her right hand stayed securely where it was on my chest, while her left wondered freely down to the top of my jeans. She paused for a second, moving her lips to mine with more force then I had ever felt her exert in my life. Then her hand was moving again, over the button of my jeans, and down to the place she never touched. All to quickly, I panicked. I pulled away, almost knocking her off her feat as I did.

"Sorry Bella, I will be right back." I turned to run but her urgent voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Please don't leave me Edward, you won't come back..."

I turned again, facing her sternly and taking her soft warm face into my cold hard hands.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I will come back, go inside your house, go into your room, open your window, wait 10 minutes, and I will be in there with you, laying with you, holding you, can you do that?"

"Where are you going, why do you have to leave?"

I couldn't tell her, she might try to convince me to stay, to do it here.

"I'm thirsty." I lied

She sighed and nodded, she knew not to question me when I said that, she didn't want to make things harder for me. I felt terrible lying to her, taking her love and compassion for me for granted, but it was for her own good as well as mine.

"I will be right back my love, before you notice I was gone, wait in your room." I kissed her briefly, before turning and runing through the woods.

I ran back to the street, waiting in the woods across from Bella's house to make sure she was safely inside before I darted back into the woods. I couldn't go home and do this, my family was there, it was bad enough Alice had most likely seen this in her visions. I went to the darkest place in the woods and dropped to my knees. I had never done this before, I never felt the urge to, before now. I felt awkward, more then I should. I fumbled with the button on my jeans, unzipping my fly. It felt odd, touching myself, but yet strangely good at the same time. I wrapped my hand around myself gently, stroking myself with my thumb.

It wasn't hard to make it feel good, but I wanted it to feel even better. I closed my eyes and imagined it being Bella, moving her hand all over me. I moaned slightly, it was a harsh, uneven sound, raspy. Suddenly the thought of Alice being able to see this whole thing popped into my mind, I shoved it away, I wanted this, I wanted to feel good. I wanted more then anything to do this with Bella, to make her feel good, too. I couldn't, I would hurt her, I knew she wanted it just as bad as I did though, I could tell. I slide my hand up and down myself, exploring what felt good and what didn't.

In the back of my mind I felt sick for doing this, was I really that desperate? I kept going, finishing a lot faster then I thought I would. I got to my feet, and for the first time in all my 90-some-odd years of being a vampire, I felt light headed, weak, unsteady, and it wasn't a bad feeling.


	2. Feelings

I ran back to Bella's house, nothing more then a blur of color and a gust of cold wind to any by-standing human. I ran back through the woods, my subconscious screaming at me, tormenting me.

'_This is wrong Edward, you have to leave her, go now, it will be easier then going back and having to say goodbye again. Don't do this to her Edward, your wrong for her, your bad, a demon, a killer, you said it yourself!'_

The voices kept repeating themselves, and I tried to push them all away, but as I neared the street, they were quickly replaced by a jumble of unfamiliar voices.

'_I wonder what mom is making for dinner tonight.'_

'_If my wife finds out about this, im dead...'_

'_What happened to the rest of my money?'_

'_He's hot, wouldn't mind giving him a ride..'_

The worst part about being able to read minds, was when I didn't want to hear people, their thoughts still entered my overstimulated brain. The thoughts of humans were petty, especially the females thoughts. Everyone of them that laid eyes on him, stared, that minds wondering with curiosity and lust. It was repulsing, I despised the thoughts they had referring to having a sexual interest in me. They didn't even know me, woman always accused men of using women as toys, but secretly the women were worse, they kept there sneaky thoughts in there minds.

I crossed the street and ran up to Bella's window, scrambling up to the open hole in the wall. I pulled myself with ease through the window, finding Bella laying on her bed, her headphones blasting an unrecognizable song into her ears. My fatherly instincts kicked in again and I sat on the bed, reaching for the CD plays next to her and lowering the volume back to a much more reasonable level before removing one of the headphones from her ear so she could hear me speak.

"Bella, love, you can't blast the music that loud, you are going to hurt your ears that way." She nodded and rolled her eyes and I smiled.

"Yes daddy, anything you say." When she called me that, the feelings I had before erupted all over my body. Fire pulsated in my groin, and I let out a low quiet hiss from between my tightly clenched teeth, why now when I had a lot of explaining to do about our earlier conversation, the whole reason I was here. The hiss worried her and she reached for my face.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I ignored her question and tried to compose my face with little success. It worried her more and she slide to her knees in front of me, moving closer and kissing my neck.

"Edward, please tell me baby, what's wrong?" Did she just call me _baby?_ I never heard her call me that before.

"It's nothing Bella, I'm fine..."

"No Edward, your in pain, drop the whole tough-vampire act and tell me what's wrong with you." Her stern voice made me smile and I looked up to look into her large brown eyes.

"I'm not in pain Bella, don't worry love." I felt extremely awkward, more so then ever before.

"The what is it Edward?" I looked away from her eyes, how did I tell her? Just blurt out, I'm horny? I'm hard? No, that's not how I was supposed to tell her.

"Edward, your scaring me, I love you, you can tell me anything." I sighed, letting my eyes fall to look at my lap, hoping she would get the picture without me actually having to tell her. Her eyes followed mine down and I heard her breathe catch.

"Oh...That's nothing to be embarrassed about..." Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink and I reached my hand up to gently touch her warm face with my freezing cold hand, the warmth made my skin tingle.

"Please just forget it Bella, I am sorry..." She was shaking her head before I could even finish my sentence.

"No Edward, what do you want?"

"I want you to forget about it..." I looked down again but her hands forced me to look back up and I gave no resistance.

"Edward, what do you want?" I looked deep into her eyes, she was completely serious. I took a deep breathe before continuing.

"I want you to...touch me..." There, I said it, was she happy now? Sure enough she grinned from ear to ear and pushed her mouth to mine and I instinctively wrapped my arms around her, holding her to me. Her mouth broke from mine and her mouth reached for my neck, sucking on it gently, it felt more then amazing.

Her warm hands were pulling my shirt of my head, then they returned to my chest. I shuddered at her warmth, at her closeness, I wanted her closer but I resisted. Her hands moved all the way down my chest and her mouth moved closer to my ear.

"What is it that you want again?" She was going to make me say it? I could only talk in a muted whisper, it was the most embarrassing moment of my existence.

"I want you to touch me..." She grinned at her achievement, she won and got what she wanted, but she wasn't done yet.

"How bad do you want me to touch you?"

"Bad..." I hated this, her smile widened.

Her hand moved down then, stroking me through my jeans, which were feeling to tight to be comfortable right now. Her hand froze suddenly and I opened my eyes to look up at her.

"Am I doing this right..?" I chuckled, my dear sweet Bella.

"I don't think there is a right or wrong way, Bella, but it feels so good..." Her hand still didn't move and I sighed, closing my eyes again and taking her hand in mine, moving her fingers to touch where I wanted them to, where I knew it felt the best.Her fingers felt so amazing, massaging and pushing on me. It wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be, doing this with Bella, it almost felt natural.

Suddenly her hand grasped me hard and I couldn't contain the gasp that I let out, Bella smiled Shly at me. She started moving faster and harder, squeezing, massaging, and rubbing. I knew we couldn't take it any father, even though I wanted to feel her skin on mine, I didn't even think I would last that long for her to get her hand actually in my pants. Lava erupted all over my body, it felt good, the best experience in my life. I didn't even notice how hard I was breathing.

When I could finally open my eyes again, I was looking straight into Bella's eyes, an angels eyes. She smiled innocently, as if she did nothing to provoke the situation in anyway.

"Did that feel good?"

"It felt better then any experience I have ever had, nothing can compare to that." And I wasn't kidding.

"Except for actually having sex, that is."

"Yes, I guess actually having sex would feel even better then this, but I never had sex, so this was the best feeling of my existence."

"Can we top that?" Her voice was mysterious, seductive.

"Not tonight, Bella, one step at a time." She frowned, the most adorable pout forming on her beautiful pink lips, and I couldn't help but kiss them quickly.

"I'm sorry love, but I don't want to push it, I could hurt you, its to dang-."

"Yes Edward, I know, its to dangerous, I will get hurt, blah blah blah, sometimes I think that's an excuse so that we don't have to, so that we don't even have to try." I chuckled.

"Silly, beautiful, sexy, loving, adorable, sweet, seductive, interesting, _ticklish-_." I moved my cold hands to her stomach, right under her ribs and tickled her gently.

"-Amazing, attractive, funny, exotic, Bella."

I kept tickling her until her giggles turned to gasps and she collapsed against my chest, panting.

"That's not funny, Edward." I grinned at her and she grinned back at me.

"Are you ticklish?" She asked with plan curiosity in her voice.

"I don't think so..I don't think I can be, I think my skin is a little to tough." She tried anyway, and sure enough, it felt good more then it tickled.

"Hmm.."

"What are you thinking about Bella?"

"What else can and can't you do? What else does and doesn't affect you? I wonder if any human food tastes good to you, not everyone likes every kind of food, maybe there is one that you like." I made a face, sticking out my tongue.

"You want me to eat that retched, vile garbage you humans eat?" She grinned and I forced a fake, playful frown.

"It's like a little kid that won't eat there vegetables, they don't know they might like them until they eat them."

"Your comparing me to a stubborn five year old child that refuses to allow their parents to lead them into a healthy lifestyle?"

"In many fewer words, yes."

"For you, my Bella, I will take your tests, whatever you want me to do, I will."

"My own vampire guinea pig, can I name you Butterscotch? Butterscotch was the name of my guinea pig about ten years ago"

"Actually, I prefer to be called Edward over Butterscotch, sorry love."She play pouted again and I smiled at her, making her smile, too.

"Come on, Butterscotch, my sexy vampire-guinea pig lover, its chow time." I winced at the thoughts of the vile taste of human food, but followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen anyway, anything for Bella.


	3. A Little Taste Of Heaven

1I joined Bella in the kitchen and she pushed me into a chair.

"What would you like to try first?"

"Can't I try none?" She huffed and I chuckled.

"Fine, what's on the menu?"

"Hm, Chicken, Rice, Spaghetti, Fish, Turkey, Cheese, Salam-." I cut her off.

"How about you surprise me, I don't remember what any of that tastes like, you do, give me your favorite."

"Fish it is." I gulped, _fish?_ I looked over to the small fish tank that stood not 10 feet away on a small table. My sensitive ears heard as the small goldfish she called Bubbles breathe, its large eyes seemed to stare straight at me.

"Can you hear animals thoughts?" Her voice snapped me out of my trance.

"No, there is not much to read." She was already taking the sizzling fish out of the pan and putting it on a plate and pushing it in front of me. It was repulsive, good thing I have not regurgitated in almost 90 years. My over sensitive sense of smell reacted viscously and I turned my head.

Bella's arms were around me as she cut the fish into small pieces, taking a chunk with her fork and popping it into her mouth.

"Is that any good, it honestly doesn't look appetizing."

"It tastes fine, try a piece." She jabbed a piece with the fork and put it to my lips, I let her put it in. I didn't bother to chew and just swallowed it quickly.

"Any good?" I looked up at her and shrugged.

"If I ignore the thought of poor little Bubbles over there being sizzled in a pan, its livable." She grinned happily and handed me a glass filled with creamy white.

"Milk?"

"Just try it, I could put some Strawberry syrup in it if it makes you more comfortable." I chuckled.

"No, that's okay, thank you."

I lifted the glass to my lips, chugging it fast before setting it back down and looking up to meet Bella's curious eyes. I forced a smile which she happily returned.

"Good?"

"Hm, delicious." I rolled my eyes and she giggled, getting up from the table and walking back over to the counter.

"Okay, next-." I got up fast then, coming up behind her in an instant. I wrapped my arms around her waist, leaning over to kiss her soft neck.

"Can we continue this tomorrow?" She was about to protest so I pushed my lips delicately against her warm skin again, letting my tongue flick across the skin quickly, silencing any words of protest Bella could have mustered. I held her tighter, not tight enough to hurt her though. She leaned her back against me turning her head to brush her lips against mine. I deepened the kiss before she could pull away, turning her body to face me before pushing her back against the counter and tangling one of my pale hands through her hair, holding her close to me.

Her arms were around me, too. One of her delicate soft hands squeezing my lower back, the other gathering a fist full of my hair and pushing with all her strength against it. I let her hands move all over my back and I moved my hands to her lower back, hoisting her up and onto the counter without ever breaking our passionate kiss.

Her legs wrapped around my waist tightly and I pushed my lower half of my body against hers, kissing her even deeper, not letting her move back an inch. Suddenly, the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us started even me, I was to preoccupied to even notice someone approaching and I cursed my carelessness. I turned, releasing Bella's mouth and we both looked towards the door.

There Charlie stood, and he didn't look happy.


	4. Explinations

1"Dad, hi, how was your day?"

I contained my chuckle at Bella's frail attempt to change the subject; before Charlie even had a moment to bring it up, but based on the fury apparent in Charlie's thoughts, I knew already that it wouldn't blow over well.

"It was wonderful Bella...until I walk in on THIS!" He glared at me, walking swiftly forward, in my direction.

"What _exactly_ were you two about to do, Edward?"

His thoughts were just as furious as his tone. _I just walked in on my 18 year old daughter and her boyfriend kissing in my kitchen, on my counter, if I didn't walk in now, who knows where that would have lead. Edward is a young man, I know what young men want, I was a young man once, I know what he was thinking._

"Nothing sir, we were just..." Just what, showing our affection for each other, our love for each other, our passion for each other?

"Just what Edward?" His tone voiced his already obvious thoughts.

"We were just kissing, loving each other, sir." Charlie's face turned 3 different shades of red at once. He progressed closer, moving close enough to me that I could feel his hot breathe. His pudgy hand pushed against my chest and he growled, a deep sound in his throat.

"IF. YOU. EVER. TOUCH. MY. DAUGHTER. AGAIN. I. WILL. KILL. YOU. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. ME.?!"

Charlie's hands shoved into me, and I was forced to fake pain and fear. I stumbled backwards, falling into the counter hard enough that it should have caused me a great deal of pain, but of corse it didn't. Charlie was coming closer again, still as red as before, but a loud shriek of anger stopped him mid-shove.

"DAD, LEAVE EDWARD ALONE!"

Charlie turned around and I suddenly feared he would unleash his anger on her next, but his thoughts showed that all his rage was directed at me, not her. He stepped away from me and I took the opportunity to rub my hip where it hit the counter, faking the reaction for show.

"Dad, I don't think you understand, Edward and I are in _love._ He is all I want, he is all I need, if you can't except that, then I am moving out, tonight."

Charlie's sudden rage turned into pain and hatred, hatred for me and pain at the thought of Bella leaving him. I felt for Charlie, I knew the pain of even the thought of not having Bella in your life, it was a painful thought. I winced at the thought of how I almost left Bella this morning. Charlie turned to me, swallowing his current rage and distaste towards me, and stepped closer, back in my direction.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I lost control, I understand that you too are adults and that you can make your own choices, I over reacted, please forgive me." _Oh lord, I shoved him, his father is a doctor, if I hurt him and he told Carlisle, I could be in huge trouble._

"It's alright Charlie, I am okay, please don't mention it, I understand." _Why did he have to be so forgiving, so good? He made me look like an even bigger jerk right in front on my daughter._

Charlie's thoughts almost made me laugh and I had to cough to cover it up. Bella came to my side and took my hand, her warm hands setting my skin on fire.

"I am going to go over to the Cullen's house dad, and I will be back soon." I could tell Charlie was not happy about this idea, his thoughts cursed the fact that Bella had played the moving out card, it tied his hands to not disagree with anything she said, for fear that she would threaten to leave again.

"Okay Bella, I am sorry about this, have fun you too." He glared at me, _he better keep his hands off her._ I forced a smile at him and took Bella's hand and started to leave her from the kitchen.

"Good-bye Charlie, have a nice evening."

"You too, Edward, I am sorry again." _You have no idea how badly I hate you._

Bella stepped outside and closed the door. Before it shut all the way, my lips were on hers. I kissed her deeply, opening my mouth slowly, letting her exquisite tongue enter my mouth slowly. I was careful to keep my teeth covered by my lips, better safe then sorry. Our tongues came together with such passion that I heard her moan slightly. I reached my hand up to stroke her cheek, gently breaking the kiss and letting my forehead lean against hers.

"We have the night to ourselves, what would you care to do my love?"

She grinned from ear to ear, a mysterious, sly grin spreading across her face.

"Everything, I want to do everything." I chuckled in response to her answer.

"Bella, its so hard to control my sexual urges when my beautiful girlfriend is tempting me so." Her grin widened and I smiled back.

"Then don't control it, this morning when we were together, I loved it, I want more." I sighed, how many times have we gone over this together? I took her hand and lead her towards the car, helping her in before getting in the drivers seat and starting the car, then backing out of the driveway.

"I know you want more, I want more as well."

"Then why don't we try?" I felt frustration bubble deep in my throat, it frustrated beyond belief that I couldn't have a normal teenage relationship with Bella, everything always revolved around the fact that I was a vampire, she was a human, I was strong and dangerous, and she was fragile and breakable.

"Bella, please not now, I have had a long day." My tone was enough to make her lust turn to concern in a matter of seconds, her hand instantly ran through my hair.

"Edward, what was going on earlier, you were going to leave me..." Time to do some serious talking, and fast, I had a lot of explaining and apologizing to do here.


	5. The Past Bites

1"Bella, we need to talk..."

"I understood that when you first scared the living daylights out of me." I sighed, this was going to be hard.

"Bella, I am so sorry about everything I said, I am in love with you, but its just not safe for me and you to be together. Bella, what happened at your party made me see it, it made me realize that I am not the best boy for you, if we couldn't stop Jasper that night...If he wasn't the only one who lost control..." We were already in front of my house, thanks to my 'maniac driving' as Bella put it.

"Edward, that's not the point, it was a mistake, but it worked out."

"It could have been different Bella, if things worked out differently, I am a monster, Bella, I am not a boy, I am not a teenager, I am a monster." Her hands were on my face then, forcing me to look at her and I gave no resistance, letting my eyes meet hers. Her eyes searched mine, looking deep, I felt naked in front of her.

"Edward Cullen, I tell you this all the time, you are not a monster, you are a boy, a teenager, a man, my boyfriend." I sighed, and her hands fell to my chest, her warmth making my skin tingle, even through my shirt. Her hands dipped lower, rubbing across my ribs and my stomach. I didn't stop her, it felt to good to stop her. I once again resisted the urge to guide her hand further down. Her face was against my neck and I tilted my head back so she could push her lips against it. I let my eyes dip closed, just feeling the sensations her lips on my skin caused.

Then she did something unexpected. Her hands locked around my neck, holding me still and her teeth sank into my skin, gently. It felt amazing and I pushed my neck against her mouth, wanting her to do it harder. She pulled her mouth away and smiled at me and I forced a smile back.

"You just bit me." Her grin widened and she nodded.

"Now we are even, you 'endangered' my life and I 'endangered' yours." I laughed, a full happy sound.

"Bella, your bite didn't leave a mark, it didn't hurt, it felt...amazing.." She raised an eye brow and ducked her head back into the indent of my neck, kissing it quickly.

"It felt amazing?"

"Yeah...It felt really good." She smirked and licked the side of my neck, suddenly sinking her teeth into me viciously, pushing her jaw closed as hard as she could, growling quietly. Her teeth released me and then her mouth was at my ear, her tongue licking my earlobe.

"If I could drink your blood, I would." I shuddered at the thought.

"If I had blood for you to drink...I would let you." She giggled and I wrapped my hands around her back and dragged her onto my lap, letting her sit on my lap facing me. I stared at her neck, fire burning in my throat. I let my hand rest on her neck, pulling her face closer to mine.

"Don't move Bella, do you trust me?" We stared into each others eyes and she smiled.

"I trust you with everything." I nodded and leaned forward letting my lips graze her neck. I heard her breathe catch and I kissed her ear.

"Its okay Bella, I am not going to hurt you, I never would."

"I know." Her voice was soft and her hands left my body and she let them drop to her sides, trying to make it easier for me, I guess. I took her hands back into mine and placed them back around my neck and she let her head fall against my shoulder.

"Are you sure you are okay?" I nodded against her neck, holding her tighter and taking a deep breathe, I gently let my teeth scrape the skin of her neck. I sucked on it gently, carful not to let my teeth exert to much pressure. She moaned softly in my ear and I let my tongue tickle her soft skin, feeling her skin rise with small goose-bumps I chuckled deeply.

That's when everything went wrong, fast. She grabbed at my head, pushing me against her with more force, pushing her neck against my lips. I hungry growl escaped my lips and the monster I am erupted inside me. I shoved Bella away, making her fall back with a yelp. My vision went red and foggy and an unimaginable pain ripped through every inch of my body. Voices screamed at me, commanding me to bite Bella. I smelled the blood, her sweat, her fear, it aroused ever sense of my body and I couldn't hold back the growl of both pain and thirst.

I heard Bella cry in fear and I tried to shake my vision clear, I could see nothing but red. I reached for the door handle feeling around for it blindly. A small shaking hand grabbed my arm. I turned my head fast back to face where Bella sat, growling again.

"Edward, take deep breathes, it's okay, you didn't hurt me, you can fight this Edward."

I growled again, shoving her away with a snarl.

"Bella, you foolish little lamb, don't touch me, are you insane?" Her hands returned and I felt my body start shaking violently.

"I am not insane Edward, look at me, please relax." I hissed, forcing my head back against the head rest, squeezing my eyes shut. I heard the worry in Bella's voice, but she wasn't worried that I would hurt her, she was worried that I was hurt, that I was in pain. In all truth and fairness, I was in pain, a lot of it, but I was the last one she should have been worried about. Her thumbs massaged my eyes, my temples, my jaw. I slowly relaxed into her touch, the pain subsiding and my vision clearing.

A wave of sadness suddenly over whelmed me, stronger then anything I have ever felt before. It started a new kind of pain all over me, starting with over whelming power in my chest. I looked up at Bella, surely she hated me now, surely she was scared of me, surely she wanted to run and never see me again. Her face was full of worry and concern, her own tears pouring down her face.

"Edward, please calm down, everything is okay."

Her arms were around me, holding me to her. How could I? I almost hurt Bella, my Bella. I almost took her life in a sudden wave of weakness. I almost hurt her, almost killed her. I grabbed her waist, holding her as everything I worked for crashed down on me, all my hard work was almost ruined, right then and there. My throat ached, but not with thirst, but with pain and love for Bella.

"Edward, say something, please, your scaring me." Her voice was shaking as she leaned forward and ran her hair through my hair, kissing my face everywhere, holding me. She was comforting me.

Her hands were soothing, they relaxed me and I slumped against the seat, sighing.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I am so very sorry, I am a monster, I almost hurt you, I almost killed you." She silenced me with her lips against mine, her tongue probing against mine. I turned my head, pulling away from her. She got the picture, this was why I had to leave her, this was why I had to do this, I was dangerous.

"Bella, please don't make this harder then it is." Her desperate sobs made the pain intensify and I hissed again as she ran her hand through my hair, trying to soothe me again.

"Edward, I love you, I am in love with you, nothing will ever change that, what just happened, it didn't scare me, you didn't hurt me, what happened was something you can't control, it's a part of who you are, and it's what makes you unique, I love you for you, and that includes THAT part of you, and I love that part too."

"No Bella, it's wrong, us is wrong, I am not a human, you are, I should have never let any of this go on, I should have left when I first met you." I saw the effect my words had on her, her face fell sadly and she sobbed brokenly.

"You never loved me..." My mouth fell open in shock. That was not what I was expecting at all, that was not what I was trying to say at all.

"No Bella, I love you, I am in love with you, I just don't want to hurt you ever again." I grabbed her sitting her in my lap. She leaned back against me, taking my hands and bringing them around her waist.

"Please don't leave me Edward, I love every part of you, even the part of you that you think is scary." Her sobs struck a cord with me and I nuzzled her hair lovingly, how could I do this to her?

"I won't leave Bella, I think it was best if I did, but I won't leave you, I love you to much to hurt you." My arms around her felt so good, I knew I should leave her, but I couldn't, my life would be over without Bella in it.

Suddenly I was flooded with memories of my last few years of being a human, the memories were clear, clearer then they ever were before. My old house in New York, freezing in the winters, warm and sunny in the summers, the most amazing place to live. It was the good life, the best life, being only ten, it was all I knew. No television, no telephone, nothing but me and my family. I had a sister, one female I choose to never remember, we argued a lot, but I loved her.

I remember when my sister died, she was the first to go, when I was only fifteen. I remember everyone saying I couldn't see her, that it was to dangerous. I remember when my mother broke the news to me, telling me that she passed away from the Spanish Influenza. The cause didn't matter at the time, all that got through to me was that my sister died.

Even that couldn't prepare me for what happened next, my dad, he turned extremely violent towards me and my mother, taking every chance he could to throw a punch at me and a push in my moms direction. My whole life that I thought was everything I needed, was ruined, falling into the hands of a terrible depression not on I suffered from, but the rest of my family as well.

I contemplated ending my miserable life, I thought about it frequently actually. I didn't do it only because I knew it would kill my mother, she had already lost her daughter a few days before her eleventh birthday, she didn't need to loose me too.

My sixteenth birthday came and gone, there was no time for celebration, no time to even notice I was another year older. The Spanish Influenza claimed my father's life only three days after my pitiful birthday, my mother wouldn't let me see him neither, one day he was there, the next day he was gone.

It was me and my mother, that was all I had left. Not a month after my father passed, my mother showed signs of the epidemic, and she was emitted into the hospital. I was sure she was going to live, my mother was a fighter, she wouldn't give up on life, she wouldn't leave me alone in this world. I stayed with her, every night and every day, just sitting their when she slept, holding her hand when the pain became to much.

Three days after she was emitted, I met a doctor, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was nice, charming, and funny. He came every day and took care of my mother. My mother lived much longer then both my father and my sister did with the epidemic, but by the time she passed, I had it as well. Dr. Carlisle made sure we were roomed together. Both of our time was numbered, I knew that my life wouldn't would not continue on past my seventeenth birthday, and I excepted that. I spent my birthday in the hospital, in to much pain to even remember it.

My mother's day came, and she passed on. Her last words were spoken to Carlisle, the doctor I had become friends with during my stay. I was half asleep when I heard my mother rasp her final words, 'take care of my son, don't let him die.' I wanted to turn and see her one more time, but I was frozen in place, my beautiful mother was gone. Silent tears fell from my closed eyes and a cold hand gently ran under my eye, pushing the tears away. I didn't have to open my eyes to know it was Carlisle, his cold touch was one I knew well, his skin felt even colder then it ever had before, but I just blamed it on my raging fever.

"She's gone..."

"Yes Edward, she is, but I am going to take care of you." It was a promise I knew he couldn't keep, there was no cure for this, I knew it, if there was, my sister, mother, and father would have still been alive today.

"Carlisle, don't make promises you can't keep."

"Don't think like that Edward..."

"My family is dead, I will die like they did, don't deny it."

He said nothing, we both knew I was right. I forced my eyes open and looked up at him.

"I won't let you die Edward, trust me." If I wasn't so weak, I would have laughed.

"You have no control over that." He smiled down at me, and I knew I saw his eyes turn a dark red for a second.

"I do Edward, I have other patients, just hang in there." He patted my hand and he was gone, leaving me alone again.

About two weeks passed, and I kept getting sicker and sicker. Soon I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't breathe on my own, and I couldn't even eat or drink. My time was up, one night and I knew it. The pain was to great, and I was sure my fever was higher then ever before. Carlisle's cold hand was on my face, and the way he looked, I was sure it was only a matter of time now. I forced myself to talk, just a few more words.

"Thank you for everything Carlisle, for taking care of my mother and me, and for being a good friend."

"Don't give up Edward, I promise you are not going to die." There was no use arguing with him, I was to weak, to tired. I felt my heart beat slowing, this was death? It was truly noting to fear. Suddenly I was being lifted into the air, cold arms holding me as we ran. Am I dead? I heard Carlisle's voice in my ear.

"Hold on just a little longer Edward."

I was laying on a table, my shirt being ripped open. Carlisle's cold hands were on my chest and he tilted my head back.

"I promised not to let you die, I promised your mother."

His mouth was on my neck then, quickly he whispered something in my ear.

"I'm sorry it came to this Edward, but I promised you and your mother that I would save you, and I plan to do just that."

His mouth was on my neck then, it felt like he was kissing me and I felt scared, he was kissing me? Then the pain hit and I let out a shriek of pain.

Bella's lips on mine and urgent voice in my ear brought me around again. I opened my eyes, noticing now that I was panting and shaking. Bella babbled on, her panicked voice scaring even me.

"Did you have a seizure? Can vampires have seizures? What's wrong with you? Where's Carlisle? Edward say something!"

I reached my shaking hands up and around her, holding her against me. Her hands were all over me, her lips kissing ever part of me she could reach. I held her tightly, letting her soothe me. Memories of my human days had never been so vivid, so real. I could almost feel the pain in my head, the throbbing all over my body, the burning of the fever all over, my mother's urgent, raspy voice, telling Carlisle to save me, to not let me die.

I didn't notice I was sobbing, tearless, gut-wrenching sobs into Bella's shoulder. Bella rocked me back and forth. I never experienced a day like today, it was so horrible.

"Sh, Edward, deep breathes, don't cry, what's wrong?"

"Memories, human memories, my mother on her death bed, my sister's death, my father's anger directed at me and my mother, his death, depression, my death bed."

Bella looked at me, a scared expression on her face. I was scaring her, I had to calm down for her. I never felt so panicked, everything never felt so wrong. She kissed me, finally making sense of my words.

"Oh Edward, just relax, I love you, I am here, don't think about that." We held each other tightly, neither of us saying anything.

"You can tell me about it, if you want that is." I didn't want to talk about, it was something I never wanted to remember, but I knew I could never forget, obviously.

"Not right now..."

She didn't push it any further and we just sat there for a few more minutes, tangled in each others arms. She sighed against my neck and kissed me quickly.

"How about we go watch a movie?" I let her go and she smiled at me.

"You want to go rent a movie?" That sounded relaxing enough.

"Sure." She got back into her seat and I started the car again, turning and headed back down the driveway, heading back to the main road. I turned on the music and took Bella's hand, pushing the sour memories from just a few minutes ago out of my mind.


	6. Horror Movies

1The drive to the movie rental store consisted of both Bella and I singing along to every tune that came on. The current song ended and Bella squealed when the next one started, her favorite song.

"I absolutely love this song."

"It's alright..." She squeezed my hand gently and started to sing the words.

_The best thing about tonight is that we're not fighting_

_And could it be that we have been this way before_

_I know you don't think that I am trying_

_I know your wearing thin down to the core_

The song made me think of Bella and I, I am not exactly sure why, but after everything we have been through together, shouldn't she be sick of it? We pulled up in front of the video store and I waited for the song to finish before turning off the car and walking around to help Bella out. She took my hand and I let her lead the way through the doors. Instantly she walked over to the romance section.

"Anything you would like to watch?" She looked over at me, waiting.

"Anything you want my love, I will watch what you choose."

She started scanning the shelf, and I looked too, reading the titles. She picked up one, 'P.S I Love You.' She flipped it over and started reading the back. Someone hissed behind us, and we both turned see two small boys at the fifty cent machines in the front of the store, both of them biting down on a pair of fake vampire fangs. Bella and I both laughed as the kids chased each other, hissing and growling at one another.

I looked back at the movie case in her hand, reading over her shoulder, but she didn't go back to reading, her stare was somewhere else. I looked up again, following her eyes to the top of a shelf about three isles over from the one we were in. The label said 'horror'. I looked back at her then back at the label.

"Horror? I had no idea you were into that stuff."

"Want to get a scary movie?"

"I guess, it doesn't matter to me."

We walked to that isle and she started from the beginning but I went straight to the 'V's'. Vampires of the night, Creatures From Hell, Devil's Last Resort, Blood Callings, Dracula, Vampire Love, every title was of interest to me. Two teenagers, no more then sinteen walked into the isle. The girl stood close to the boy, but they made no contact.

_I hate horror movies, Jimmy is the only one who enjoys watching stupid vampires kill stupid people, one day I will stand up to him._

The boy she called Jimmy brushed past her, as soon as his body made contact with hers, I heard her heart rate speed up for a second, then slow down when he was past. Smiling, I tried to look away.

"Have we not watched every single cheesy vampire flick here Jimmy? I mean seriously? Every vampire movie is the same, garlic, crosses, holy water, blood, sun, etcetera, seen one vampire movie, seen them all." Jimmy looked back up at her, taking his eyes off the dvd in his hands .

"Oh come on Laura, your just afraid."

"I am not afraid of vampires, they are nothing to fear." Jimmy rolled his eyes and looked back at the dvd, but Laura kept watching him. I could feel it, Laura had more then just 'Best Friend' feelings for Jimmy, then again, why was I so interested?

"I saw this movie with Ella." That was all he had to say, and Laura's face fell to the ground, I could hear her heart beat pick up its pace in hurt and I heard her swallow gulps, swallowing her tears.

_Ella is so great, Ella is so pretty, I saw this movie with Ella, I love Ella, Ella, Ella, FUCKING ELLA. Doesn't he care that he is hurting me so bad? Doesn't he care that Ella makes fun of me? He doesn't defend me when she talks about me, he goes along with it. Doesn't he care that no matter what he needs, I do it for him? I put my neck on the line, lie, tell stories, loose friends, hurt myself, just to keep him out of trouble and make sure he is okay, does that matter? I know I am not pretty enough for him, I never had a boyfriend before, but I can be a good girlfriend if he gave me the chance._

I looked up sadly at Laura, I felt her pain instantly. Her first time falling in love, and he was breaking her heart. The girl made eye contact with me for a moment, her light blue eyes concealed her sadness but a single tear ran down her face, and she forced a quick smile at me before looking back at the boy she loved. I listened to Jimmy's thoughts, and this didn't make me feel any better.

_I have not seen Ella in almost two days, maybe if I tell Laura I can't go to the movies tonight, I could make a date with Ella. She is so pretty, I have not even seen her new school cloths yet, I bet she looks amazing in them. Laura wouldn't mind, she is my best friend._

"Laura, I just remembered, shit, I have to clean my room tonight, I am having family over tomorrow, I don't think the movies is good tonight."

I could practically hear Laura's heart break.

"Its cool, maybe this weekend."

Jimmy grabbed the movie he wanted, without asking Laura what she thought about it, and walked back to the front of the store. Laura stood there for a second and I heard her sob once then swallow the rest of the pain she felt before whipping her eyes. I stepped forward, towards her.

"Are you alright?" She looked up at me and forced a smile, clearing her throat.

"Yeah, thanks, just got something in my eye." I nodded.

"Is that something in your eye love?" She looked straight into my eyes.

"That obvious?" I chuckled.

"Yes, I am sorry he is hurting you, he will notice his mistake some day." Her grin widened and she stuck out her hand. Her mind set changed, her thoughts we bubbly, happy, she had to be an extremely outgoing person.

"I'm Laura."

"Edward, pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure's all mine." She scanned the movie shelf, sighing.

"I really wish something other then horror was his favorite, what is with boys and enjoying watching humans get murdered?" I smiled and Bella took my hand, coming up next to me.

"This is Bella, my girlfriend." She looked up and smiled her warm smile at Bella.

"I'm Laura, nice to meet you." Laura's mind changed set changed again, now trying to figure out, using a formula that was way above her level, exactly how many movies were stocked on each shelf. She got it seconds later, grinning to herself, before continuing.

"You two don't look like kids, how old are you?"

"Im seventeen and Bella is eighteen."

"Hm, I am only fourteen, shocker that you bothered to talk to me." I liked her, she had an interesting mind for someone so young.

"Your older for your age."

"Thanks, you seem more like twenty-five yourself, old souls, at last, finally someone who can't laugh at my speech preferences!" I smiled at her.

"There you are, my social little butterfly, must you always find someone to talk with everywhere we go?"

Her heart lurched at his voice as he came up next to her, she played it cool though.

"Some call me an attention whore, some call me a social butterfly, but I just like to talk."

"You have no problem with talking, don't get me started." She stuck her tongue at him and he smiled.

"This is Jimmy, that's Edward and Bella."

"Nice to meet you, sorry to steal Laura back, but if I am not home in five minutes, my mother will not be the happiest person on earth."

Laura looked up at us and smiled.

"Nice meeting you guys, maybe we will run into each other again."

I smiled and nodded and Bella took my hand and turned to face me.

"Since when did you start being a chatter box?" I grinned at her.

"Oh Bella, the girl was heart broken, cut her some slack." She rolled her eyes and turned back to the shelf.

"How about a nice vampire flick?"

"Oh yes, I need to be educated on the latest tell tail horror that stereo types an extremely misunderstood species." She picked one off the shelf, 'The Lost Boys.'

"Oh don't be a spoil sport, vampires are fun."

"They are fun, aside from the red eyes, sharp teeth, evil laugh, long nails, pale skin, and thirst of blood, anyone could mistake them for cute cuddly teddy bears." She giggled and took my hand, looking at my finger nails.

"Pale, yes, sharp teeth, no, evil laugh, no, long nails, no, red eyes, no, I thought you were the vampire expert?"

"Well, according to these movies, that is what a vampire is, a cold blooded killer, it's a good way to look at them though."

"No its not Edward, no one knows they exist, they have always been portrayed this way, it just stuck."

"Okay, okay, get the movie." She took my hand we walked to the front of the store. I took care of the movie and followed Bella out to the car. The drive home was just as fast as before and we pulled up to my empty house in a matter of minutes. We walked hand in hand up to my room. Bella sat on the couch and I set up the dvd, turning off the light and shutting the door before sitting down next to her, wrapping my arms around her.

The movie went on, and every so often Bella cringed against my chest, turning her face away from the screen. I watched, hardly interested. I was happy when the final credits rolled onto the screen, all the vampires were dead, I almost felt sorry for David, being presumed as the head vampire when he actually wasn't, his life could have been saved.

I went to get up to turn on the lights but Bella's lips were on mine, her hands finding their way up under my shirt.

"Are you sleepy?"

"A little, I am not leaving tonight, I am staying, I will call Charlie and tell him, but I am not going home."

"Bella, you will give your dad a heart attack, he already thinks we are sexually active together, you spending the night at my house, when there is no one else here, will just make him think it more." She rolled her eyes, already reaching for my cell phone and dialing her house number.

"Hi dad, I just wanted to let you know I am spending the night at the Cullen's." I could hear it in Charlie's voice, he didn't want this at all.

"Alright Bella, I will see you tomorrow."

"Good night dad."

She closed the phone and settled back against my chest.

"That wasn't nice Bella, you are going to give him the wrong idea, he is going to worry all night now." She smiled slyly.

"Maybe he doesn't have the wrong idea, maybe he has a reason to worry." I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." I kissed her forehead. "Sleepy time for the human."

"The human is not sleepy, maybe the vampire who doesn't sleep should not tell the human to sleep because the human is not tired." We laughed together and I nodded.

"Fair enough, but how would you like to spend the rest of our-." Before I could even finish my sentence, her lips were on mine, and we kissed deeply.


	7. Time To Think

1Bella and I kissed for what seemed like an eternity, not that I complained about that. She needed to breathe, if it wasn't for the sound of her lungs wheezing after almost two straight minutes of kissing, I would have forgotten. She laid her head against my shoulder, gasping for some much needed air, her warm moist breathe raised goose bumps on my hard skin. I shivered, allowing myself an unneeded breathe.

"I love it when you hold me." Her voice was so much louder then she was speaking, my ears were overly sensitive and some sounds even made them hurt, but this time, it just sent another chill down my spine.

"I love holding you, it feels good being so close to you, your warm, you make me feel warm, too." I smiled and she kissed my neck, nibbling on it gently. She shifted herself, yawning before wrapping her arms around me and sighing.

"Your tired." She nodded against my neck and I cuddled her gently to my chest, reaching for the blanket that hung over the arm of the couch and draping it over her. I hummed her lullaby and she was asleep in minutes. I kissed her forehead once and let my own head fall back, closing my eyes. They were stinging, I'm not sure why, but the burning was starting to hurt. My ears hummed quietly, lulling me into a trance state, as I called it, a 'vampire sleep.'

Growing up, I could never sit still, I always had to move. Sleeping was a problem, my energy never seemed to run down. Until I was ten, my mother had to sit with me until I fell asleep, and even then she told me many times that I twitched in my sleep. As I got older, it went away, but in its place came mood swings and temper tantrums. It had no name back then, I was just labeled as the 'problem child'. Carlisle told me now that I most likely had ADD, or something along that line.

I blame the mood swings and temper tantrums on adolescence. Even now I still was moody, and in the beginning, the start of my new life, my temper was erratic. I know what caused my temper problems, the fact that I could read minds. When I first woke up after my extremely painful three day change, I remember Carlisle trying to hold me down on the bed where I was. He couldn't, I was to strong. I leaped from the bed, backing into the corner and sliding down the wall into a crouch.

As if the enlightened senses wasn't enough to scare me to death, I heard things, voices, in my head. Carlisle's thoughts were screaming in my head, just as if he was saying them out loud.

_Maybe it was wrong for me to save him. Maybe I should have let fate take its way. No that is a horrible thought, how could I think such a thing? He is no more then a boy! _All I could do was stare at him in horror.

"What's wrong Edward?"

"I can hear you...your thoughts..." He crouched next to me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder and looking at me worriedly.

"What number am I thinking." _9, 9, 9, 9, 9._ I gulped, I didn't notice I was holding my breathe this whole time. I didn't need to _breathe_ anymore? I took in air anyway, refusing to give that up.

"9..you thought it 5 times..." He smiled at me.

"You have a gift, that's amazing." I looked at him and frowned.

"A _gift_, you call this a _gift_? I'm schizophrenic, I'm insane, this can't be happening."

"Your not schizophrenic and your not insane Edward, some vampire's are born with a power others don't have."

He explained it to me and I took in all his information, mesmerized by it. He taught me everything I needed to know, hunting, my strength, everything. I was given a second chance to live, a never ending chance, a chance others never got, I wasn't going to screw it up. It didn't take long to master everything I needed to know, but the voices in my head still bothered me. I wanted silence, I wanted to be able to focus on something, but the voices kept intruding. I started feeling the emotions of the peoples thoughts, sending my temper all over the place. Carlisle put up with it all. He watched as day after day I screamed at him, cussed at him, and broke objects all over the house. What made it worse was that, not only did he take it, he took it so well.

One night, Carlisle went out to hunt and I was alone. I was playing the piano, the only hobby that didn't make me frustrated, when my mind decided to single in on two different voices. My fingers hit hard on the keys and I froze, the thoughts were of sex, the two people were having sex. I tried to block it out but it was louder then ever before, all the moaning, gasping, every thought. I growled, trying to focus my attention elsewhere, but my mind wouldn't listen. It went on for what seemed like forever, until something inside me broke. I ran at vampire speed to my pitch black room and dove for the corner.

I never felt so alone in all my life. I covered my ears with my hands and curled into the smallest ball I could, humming to myself quietly, rocking gently. I squeezed my eyes closed, trying with all my might to focus my attention elsewhere, but I couldn't win. Suddenly a hand on my shoulder snapped my attention upwards. Carlisle was kneeling next to me, hugging me.

"What do you hear." His voice was gentle.

"Two people..having sex..." He chuckled slightly.

"I am going to have to teach you to focus on one voice at a time, and when you don't want to listen to them, to block them out, all you have to do is train your mind."

He worked with me, never giving up even when my temper caused me to scream and cuss at him. I got the hang of it and slowly my depression went away and I was able to control my anger more. I needed to take a break from Carlisle, I was sick of hurting him. So I left, taking two years to learn to control myself, taking the lives of only the evil humans, while learning to control myself better. I thought I wasn't so bad, only killing the evil humans, but eventually I still saw myself as a monster and I returned to Carlisle's way of life, with his new mate Esme. I was unsure of Esme at first, but I couldn't help but love her.

Even now I have a problem with my temper and my mood, but nothing more to blame then just the fact that I was forever seventeen. Seventeen was the final year between changing from a little boy, to a man, and I looked at it as the hardest year, and I was stuck forever in the cross hairs of being a young adult and an adult, my annoying adolescent mood swings would always be there, I would just have to live with them. Jasper and Emmet were in their twenties, men, they couldn't relate to me in that way. What would have happened if I was bitten when I was still going through puberty? I shuddered lightly at the thought, that would have been a nightmare.

I looked down at Bella, she got older every day. I watched as every day she grew into a woman, leaving childhood and adolescence behind. I wanted nothing more then to age with her, keep pace with her changes, let my body change the rest of the way. I stopped thinking about it, it was making me depressed. Bella sighed in my arms, mumbling my name, instantly drawing my attention to her.

"Edward...I love you..." I smiled slightly as I bent my head down to her ear.

"I love you too."


	8. Paradise Meadow

1When Bella finally opened her eyes the next morning, it was already past noon. Charlie had already left for work so I could stay without having to worry. Bella kissed me quickly before getting off the bed and strolling to the bathroom. I watched her until she disappeared behind the now closed door. I headed down stairs to cook her something to eat.

I had learned a lot about food and cooking, I had to for Bella. Eggs were easy to make, and the smell of them wasn't that repulsive so it made it even easier for me to cook them. I scrambled her two eggs and pushed a mushy slice of bread into the toaster and waited for both to cook. School was starting again in a little less then two weeks, I was really going to miss being able to spend all this time with Bella. She came down the stairs, all dressed and ready just as I was setting the plate with the toast and eggs on the table.

"Edward, I still can't believe you cook so well for someone who doesn't eat." I chuckled, smiling at her as she sat down, biting down on the crunchy toast.

"Scrambling an egg and toasting a piece of bread is hardly cooking Bella, but thank you, I am glad you enjoy my hard work." She looked up at me and smiled, popping some of the egg into her mouth. I turned and took a glass out of the cabinet, getting the gallon of milk out of the refrigerator and filling the glass, setting it in front of Bella.

"Thank you, you baby me to much." I sat across from her, resting my chin on the table and watching her.

"I don't mind doing all the work in the world, if its for you." She smiled and reached her free hand over to take mine. I kissed the back of her hand and held it gently in mine. It felt so breakable, and it was. The warmth made my skin tingle, it was pleasant, one of my favorite feelings of touching her.

"What are we going to do today?" I looked up at her, meeting her brown eyes.

"Well, its pretty sunny out today, for a change, how about we take a trip to our meadow?" Her eyes lit up at the idea. Our meadow held so many good memories for us, it was our favorite place to go. I actually liked when it was sunny, so we didn't have an option to go anywhere else.

"I love our meadow, do you remember the first time you took me there?" I smiled at her, remembering it perfectly.

"Of corse, it was the best day of my existence."

It was the first time I was actually close to her, the first time she saw what I really was, the first time we voiced our feelings for each other, the first time we kissed. I knew she was remembering the same stuff, and both our smiles widened.

"It was the best of mine too, do you remember how it was the first time I kissed you?"

"When you attacked me? I thought for sure you were going to violate me." She giggled and I smirked at her, I loved the sound of her laugh, it was amazing.

"You were just such a good kisser, I couldn't believe it was your first kiss." I raised an eye brow at her rolling my eyes.

"Your just saying that, it was my first kiss, and my best kiss." Her eyes glowed with happiness at the thought of this memory, it was one of the most amazing memories I ever experienced, I would do anything to relive that day just once.

"I am not just saying that, kissing you is like kissing-."

"I piece of stone hard marble that was left out in a blizzard for days." She rolled her eyes.

"I was going to say more like kissing a god, but if you see yourself like that, I guess that's what it was like then." We were silent for a moment and Bella squeezed my hand and I met her eyes.

"Edward, why do you have such low self esteem?" I looked away from her curious eyes, focusing out the window.

"I don't."

"Yes you do, you think your this hideous, stupid, piece of frozen rock."

"I'm nothing more then that." Her eyes met mine, and much to my surprise, hers were full of anger.

"Actually Edward Cullen, you are none of those things." She stood up, walking around the table, turning my chair so it faced towards her, and got on her knees.

"Hideous?" She took my face in her hands.

"Your gorgeous, your whole body is something every man wishes they had."

"Stupid?" She rubbed my temples gently.

"A 4.0 average is not what stupid people get."

She laid her hand on my chest.

"Rocks don't breathe, or kiss, or think, or love, and your skin is not even that hard."

"I don't need to breathe." I defended but she ignored me.

"And as for cold, your cold, but not that bad." She smiled slyly up at me, running her hands up and down my thighs, making me shiver, setting my skin on fire as she moved closer to my still virgin skin..

"Plus, I know exactly how to warm you up." I chucked slightly and pulled her to her feet and stood up.

"Alright, enough using my virgin hormones against me, are we going to our paradise or not?" She took my hand and we walked to the front door, locking it behind us.


	9. First Time

1We got to where the highway ended and took our normal path up next to the tree with a string tied around it. I carried her on my back all the way to our meadow. I set her in the grass and sat next to her. She moved closer to me, wrapping her arms around me resting her head on me. I kissed her hair and rubbed her back gently.

Her arm brushed across my manhood and I stiffened. Of course Bella noticed and she looked up at me, her eyes glowing with satisfaction. I felt awkward again and Bella noticed this as well. Her hands started lifted up my shirt, if I could blush I would. Bella had seen me shirtless, but never in the sunlight. I felt the urge to cover myself and I draped my arm over my stomach. I knew where this was going, but I could let it go father right? I could push the boundaries more, or at least I could try. She let her hands trail over my ribs and I felt my breathe catch.

"Your so amazing." She got closer to me, pressing her warm body against my cold chest. I never felt so warm in my life. Her mouth was on my neck, nibbling as hard as she could on it. She straddled my hips, dragging her hands all the way down my chest. This was going to far, it had to stop. I took my hands and placed them on her shoulders, pushing gently but with enough force so that she couldn't resist me.

"No Edward, we are going to try this." She looked straight into my eyes and I felt naked in front of her. Her eyes burned into mine and her small fingers found my nipples, they hardened instantly. I hissed out a breathe, pushing her hands off of me.

"No Bella, I won't be able to control myself, I can hardly control myself now."

"I just want to try something, just relax and let me, neither of us is going to get hurt." What was she planning? I let my head fall to the ground, giving in to the feelings in my groin. I wanted it so bad, worse then anything in the world. She played with my happy trail hairs, dragging her finger up and down the soft fuzz on my stomach, making me shiver. Her fingers locked around my waist band of my jeans and she slowly undid the button and the zipper. I held my breathe, lifting my hips to help her pull the pants and boxers down all the way.

I had never been naked in front of a girl before, in front of anyone before. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, afraid to see her reaction. When her hand didn't touch me though, and I felt a surge of panic rush through me, was I to small or something? I forced my eyes open and looked at her, my panic washing away when I saw her. Not only was it my first time being naked in front of someone, but it was the first time I saw a girl naked up close. I felt my mouth drop open, she was beautiful. As I gapped at her body, she gapped at mine, her eyes glued to my lower half. Trying to ease the tension, I spoke.

"Like what you see?" I put on her favorite smirk and waited, secretly worrying about her answer. Her eyes left my male parts and looked into mine.

"Your body is so gorgeous, you have no idea."

"So are you, your amazing." It was an understatement.

"Have you ever seen...a female up close before?" I smiled at her, pulling her on top of me.

"I told you, I'm a virgin." She blushed and I kissed the top of her head. She shifted and the feeling of her skin on mine made my vision blur.

"I know that, but still..." I smirked at her.

"No Bella, I have never seen a female naked before."

"I never saw a male before..now." I was suddenly reminded that we were both naked and on top of each other. It was one of the moments that if I could blush I would have. Bella blushed as she was reminded too. Bella and I never really talked about sex, or anything that we have done in the past. I always wanted to, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. I wanted to talk about it before we did anything, maybe there was things she didn't want to do. I took a deep breathe and formed a sentence.

"Bella, before we do...anything...can we talk?" She nodded against my chest.

"What have you done before?" She cranked her neck to look up at me.

"I have never even had a boyfriend before, so nothing, besides what you and I have done." I shook my head.

"I mean..." I hoped she would catch on without me having to say it. Thankfully, she did, she blushed a little and looked away.

"I have done that before, but it wasn't for me, what about you?" I never wanted to admit to this, but I had no choice now.

"I masturbate, not a lot, but once in awhile.." Would she think I was a freak? I shouldn't have told her.

"That's hot, why didn't you tell me?" I looked at her, once again feeling awkward.

"I thought you would think I was a freak." She giggled and slapped me playfully.

"My boyfriend pleasuring himself is not freaky at all." She was serious, thank the lord.

"What do you think about when your doing that?" Her voice was teasing but I was sure she was curious.

"You? Who else would I think about?" I smirked at her and she giggled again, the most amazing sound in the world, I loved it.

"Do you watch porn?" I couldn't hold in my laugh.

"No, I did once, it didn't do anything for me, I much rather think of you." She smiled a seductive tempting smile and my breathe caught. She got up slowly, never taking her eyes off of mine. She got to her knees between my legs, falling down on top of me, so close that her warm chest met mine. She kissed me with so much passion and intensity. Her mouth quickly moved to my neck, planting soft warm kisses on my ears and throat.

"Close your eyes and lay perfectly still." I didn't argue with her and did what she told me. Her mouth moved to my chest, attacking both my nipples, making me twitch under her. Her mouth moved down my stomach to the hair just bellow my navel. My muscles all contracted at once as her mouth moved lower, her warm breathe blowing on my most sensitive parts. I inhaled sharply and grabbed her shoulders.

"Bella, you don't have to do this." My words came out in a rushed whisper, my voice was more husky then I ever heard before. She turned and looked up at me, a small smile on her lips.

"I love you, I want to pleasure you, I want to do this." Her face was serious and loving and I knew that this was okay. I sighed in content and rested my head back down. I let my nails scrape against the earth bellow me as her warm moist tongue glided against the tip of my hardness. I felt the hesitation in her movements and I felt guilty, she shouldn't be doing this. Her fingers trailed over my genitals slowly, and I was sure she didn't know where to touch. Gently I took her hand and led it to the spot right under the tip that almost made me see stars. My hips bucked involuntarily into her fingers. Her mouth was on me then, taking me inch by inch into her. I bit back the moan that rose into in my throat, not sure if I should moan or not.

Instead, she moaned, the vibrations sending a new wave of pleasure through me. Her pace was slow, and she moved her head up and down in uncoordinated movements and I took her head between my hands and moved it up and down slowly for her, setting the pace. It was the most exquisite feeling in the world. Her hand snaked up my thigh to my balls. She squeezed them gently and I moaned quietly as she massaged my testicles.

Her fingers slid up higher, slipping one finger gently into my ass. It hurt a little, but I stayed quiet and let her do what she wanted. Her mouth left me and she moved up higher on me, straddling me. She looked into my eyes, they were filled with passion, lust, and so much love I couldn't even describe it. We weren't having sex, we were making love, we were officially lovers. Her body met mine, pleasure rased through me and we moved together. I tried not to make to much noise, only moaning or gasping when I couldn't hold it in. I didn't want to cover up her sounds and I committed them to memory. Her body contracted on mine tighter then it ever had before as she reached her end, her reaction bringing me with her. She collapsed on top of me as we caught our breathes.

Silently she crawled into my arms, neither of us bothering to open our eyes as we kissed again, a much more loving kiss. I let my tongue slid into her mouth and her tongue and mine tangled together. She broke for air and she looked into my eyes and smiled the most wonderful smile in the world.

"I love you, I am in love with you." I grinned back at her as she settled in next to me, both of us closing our eyes, to tired to keep them open for longer then a second.

"I love you too, I didn't think loving someone as much as I love you was even possible." But apparently, it was.


	10. Remember

1Bella was fast asleep within minutes. Her head was tucked into the crook of my neck and I took a deep breathe and looked down at her nude body. I couldn't breathe, purplish bruises were already starting to form on her shoulders and forehead. I felt guilt wash over me and I clutched her to me, never wanted to let go.

It was only about two hours since we had actual sex, and I never felt so guilty in my life. I hurt her, I was an animal a monster, I hurt the most beautiful perfect angel in the world, and I tainted her beauty. I sucked in a deep breathe, wrapping arms around her. My body started to tremble in sadness, I hurt her for my own pleasure. I shouldn't have let her do that, I shouldn't have let it get that far.

I wanted to touch her warm skin and take the bruises away, but I couldn't now, and I was the one who put them there. I shifted my body to the left, making Bella stir, her chocolate brown eyes looking up at me and smiling happily. Suddenly I was flooded with anger, I wanted nothing more then to hurt myself.

"How bad are you hurt?" Her happy face instantly fell into a puzzled frown.

"What are you talking about?" I exhaled loudly, sighing.

"Don't tell me your fine, I hurt you, how much pain are you in." She looked down at her body, brushing some of the dirt and grass I pulled up without noticing. Her eyes widened at the sight of the bruises, but they instantly softened and her smile returned.

"Oh Edward, it was so amazing, you are so amazing, thank you so much." She was thanking me, _thanking_ me for being a monster, thanking me for hurting her. I frowned, disgusted with myself on so many levels. I felt a wave of depression over take me and I shut my eyes as images of cutting myself almost 90 years ago flooded my mind. Could vampires even cut themselves? I thought of it before, but never tried it, now it wasn't sounding so bad, I hurt Bella, why shouldn't I be hurt as well?

"No Bella, don't even try it, your hurt, tell me right now what's wrong." Her eyes were full of hurt but I was to mad with myself to care that my words hurt her.

"Didn't it feel good?" My jaw dropped, she was worried if it _felt good?_ I was worried how she felt now and she was worried if I was pleasured enough at the time?

"Of course it felt good, it was amazing." I let my voice trail off, I couldn't let her distract me, if I did I wouldn't know if she was okay or not.

"But that's not the point Bella, look at you, you have bruises on every inch of your skin." I took my hands and fit them into each purple bruise on her to show my point. She watched my hands then looked back up at me, smiling.

"Its alright Edward, I understand that you can't control yourself sometimes, its not as bad as I expected." Its not as bad as she expected? So she _expected_ worse damage then this, and she still let this happen?

"You expected worse and you did it anyway? Bella what is wrong with you?!" I felt even more mad now, if that was possible.

"No, I didn't expect worse, but I did think of everything that could have happened, and this is the not the worse that I imagined."

"We shouldn't have done this, I am to dangerous and you are to breakable." She rolled her eyes.

"Edward, its not your fault that you are what you are, you were only 17 when you were changed, and it was 1918, teenagers didn't have sex at 14, its not your fault you were that young and born during that time, so just because you didn't get a chance to grow up, doesn't mean you have to turn out to be the 500 year old virgin." I never looked at it that way, but it doesn't mean it was right that we did what we did. I grew up were it was wrong, a sin, to have sex before marriage, but this wasn't 1910 anymore.

"Your right, but we should have waited, made sure I wouldn't hurt you." She was already shaking her head.

"No Edward, you didn't do anything wrong, it was your first time too, you didn't know what to expect, it wasn't your fault, and I am not in any pain, I am a little sore, but that's expected, other wise I have never been so happy, your ruining it for me." I sighed, closing my eyes again as she kissed my chest.

"Please don't ruin this for me, I'm not to educated when it comes to love, but after sex, isn't it supposed to be full of love for each other?

"I do love you, a lot." Enough to risk your life to make you happy. She smiled at me, kissing my lips quickly and gently.

"I love you more, I can't believe we just did that." I forced a miracle at her, I had to admit, we were amazing together, I dreamed about that for a long time.

"I can't believe it neither, it was amazing Bella, you are amazing, the most amazing woman in the world and I want to spend forever and ever with you, and I am sorry I put you through that whole thing this morning this morning, I don't want to leave you." I looked at her, shocked to see tears in her eyes.

"That is the most sweet thing I have ever heard in my life, do you have any idea how much you mean to me?" I smirked at her and smiled.

"I don't think you understand just how much you mean to me, just how much I love you." She kissed me again, deeper this time. I loved the feeling of her soft warm lips against my cold hard lips. There was nothing better then the feeling of us kissing, and I wish we could do it more often, but it was to dangerous, just because we pushed the invisible lines that I drew a long time ago, doesn't mean we could keep pushing them, being reckless was when someone was going to get hurt, and that someone was not going to be me.

"I want to spend forever with you Edward." She sighed in content and looked around the beautiful meadow, the sun giving her skin a beautiful tint.

"Edward, can you believe that our first everything was in this meadow?" I looked around, staring at the spot in the grass by the patch of flowers where we spent that first day together. I could almost see us sitting there in the short soft grass, her head against my chest, my arms wrapped around her. Almost see the look on her face when I told her how I felt for her. It put a smile on my face, it was the best day of my existence, it was the day I became whole.

"I know, who knew such a beautiful miracle could happen in such a beautiful place." The smells and the colors in the meadow were tripled to my enlightened senses, making everything even more beautiful, more beautiful then Bella could ever imagine, but with her here, laying in all her naked glory in my arms, there was nothing in compare to how beautiful she was.

"I agree, its like a fairy tail come true." She looked up at me. "It is a fairy tail, the most amazing man in the world falls in love with the simple girl."

"Your not simple Bella, but it is a fairy tail, the most beautiful, sweet girl in the world, lets the most hideous, gory, creature into her life. They fall in love and she loves him enough to look past all his flaws, look past all the fear she should be feeling, go against nature and believe in something that no one ever knew was real. They make the most beautiful relationship together, and it starts in the most beautiful place on the planet, a place so beautiful its almost unreal, it is a fairy tail." She giggled.

"How about we agree on this, it's a beautiful fairy tail that we have made here, but we disagree on how we see each other?"

"Fair enough." I agreed even though I knew she was so wrong.


	11. Enternal Happiness

1Bella and I dressed quickly and it took everything I had not to watch Bella as she pulled herself back together. She caught my eyes on her and she blushed, looking away. I smirked her favorite smile and walked over to her, grabbing her around her waist and picking her up. She squealed in my arms, laughing as I growled at her, breaking the growing tense between us.

"Put me down!" I bit her ear gently.

"Never." I used my most deep and scary voice I could muster, laughing an evil laugh at the end. She just kept giggling.

"Your soul is mine." I hissed in her ear, throwing her gently to the ground and pinning her there. Our eyes met and I grinned at her, making sure my teeth showed fully and she faked her horror.

"You can have my soul, you horrifying monster you." I rolled my eyes, chuckling.

"Bella, you ruined it! Your not supposed to just supposed to give in." She kissed my neck, looking deep into my eyes.

"But I want to give in, I want you to have my soul." I play pouted at her, frowning.

"Your ruined the game Bella." She giggled again, touching my frowning lips gently, then putting on her own frown to match mine.

"I don't like when you frown, you used to do it all the time." I pulled up the corner of my mouth, smiling down at her, then rolling off of her, both of us laying on our sides and facing each other.

"I don't frown anymore, not that I have you, I don't have a reason to." Her grin widened and she ran her hand through my hair, I took the chance to sniff her wrists.

"Why did you frown before that?" I kept my smile in place, for her sake.

"Eh, I was a little depressed I guess." Her eyes became very sympathetic suddenly and her hand continued playing through my hair.

"You were depressed?" I nodded slightly, brushing it off with a slight shrug.

"A little, it wasn't that bad." That was a lie, it was horrible, but there was no reason to tell her that, she changed it, she helped me.

"You could have taken anti-depressants? Would pills help someone like you?" I smiled at her, she was adorable when she was concerned.

"I'm not sure pills could help my kind, I guess they couldn't hurt, but no one knew I was depressed, so no one got me pills." Her face melted into sadness and I felt a stab of regret, why was she reacting like this?

"What's wrong Bella?" I met her eyes curiously, wishing more then anything that I could read her mind.

"I just wish that I was around then, to help you through that."

"Hm, well you're here now, and that's all that matters, you helped me now, and I couldn't be more thankful."

"Why were you depressed?" I raised and eye brow, making a thoughtful face, considering my answer.

"I guess I was just lonely." That was about right, Alice had Jasper, Carlisle had Esme, Rosalie had Emmet, I had no one. I couldn't have friends in school, for more then one reason, and everyone just thought I didn't want friends, but I just knew I couldn't have them, but I would have killed for just one good guy friend, just one. I didn't want to intrude on my families personal thoughts and private time, so I stayed away from them as much as possible, so I was always alone.

"You don't feel depressed and lonely anymore right?" I smiled a huge grin at her.

"No way Bella, you took all that away, I feel so much better now, you have no idea!" She leaned forward, hugging me.

"I'm glad I helped you." I hugged her tighter, squeezing her to my chest tight but gently.

"So am I Bella, thank you, for letting me into your life, for trusting me, and for returning this impossible amount of love I have for you." Her soft lips found my ear and she kissed it, nuzzling my neck.

"Thank you for everything you did Edward, for loving me and protecting me." This moment felt so pure, so full of love and honesty. The passion between us was something I never experienced, never imagined. If I didn't know better, I would have been sure my heart was beating, pounding for her. My chest burned slightly and I winced, but the pain felt good, it felt like I had a beating heart again. She pulled back again slightly to examine my face.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I kept my eyes closed, wincing again.

"Nothing, my chest hurts, but it's not a bad pain though." I forced my eyes open to reassure her. She gasped suddenly, reaching for my face, excitement in her eyes.

"Oh Edward..."

"What?" She smiled the most beautiful smile in the world.

"Your eyes, they look bluish gold." Tears streamed down her face and I grabbed her, running back through the forest with her on my back. She clung to me until we were back in the car. Instantly I was looking into the mirror hanging off the door, and sure enough, my eyes had a bluish tint to them, they weren't blue, still not human, but more human then they had been in a long time. They looked almost happy, almost _alive_ again. She took my hand, looking into my eyes again.

"Is that what your eyes looked like when you were alive?" I couldn't find my voice and she waited patiently, just enjoying looking into my eyes until I could speak.

"They were greenish blue, the blue color mixed with the gold was about the same blue they were, yes." My voice was no more then a whisper, I never felt more human. She reached out slowly, putting her hand to my chest, right where my heart would be. The contact felt good, eased the burning until it was gone. She met my eyes, smiling warmly.

"You can feel it beating, can't you?" I looked back at her, her eyes glowing happily.

"Yes, it feels like it's beating again, beating for you." She pulled me into a hug.

"What brought this on?"

"It's you Bella, you make me feel more human then ever before in my life, you make me feel emotions I haven't felt in almost 90 years." The burning was easing, going away, and I could feel my eyes going back to gold, back to being dead. It didn't make me sad, it made me happy.

"I love you Edward, I love you more then you can imagine, more then words."

"I love you too, you are my one and only true love Bella." She sobbed into my shirt, holding me close. I felt a rain drop, then another and another. It was starting to rain, I took her hands and helped her into the car before getting into the drivers seat. I turned on the radio as always, taking her hand in my right hand and humming along to the song. Happiness never felt so eternal.


	12. So Much To Learn

1The ride back to my house was fast, once again thanks to my 'maniac driving.' I climbed out of the Volvo, walking over to Bella's side and opening her door for her, offering her my hand which she happily excepted. Hand in hand we entered my silent house.

"When is the family going to come back?"

"I will call them later, they are just staying away to give us some much needed time alone."

"Why didn't Alice see you not being able to leave me?" Her words made me froze.

"It was a split second decision, I guess they haven't come back yet because she saw that we would need some alone time." Lord Bella, why did you have to ask every question that comes to your mind? She shrugged, stepping closer to me, closing the 2 foot gap between us.

Her body pushed against mine and she stood on her toes to reach my lips. I ducked my head to help her, wrapping my arms around her waist. Our kiss started slow and gentle, then I felt her tongue press again my lips, asking to be let in. I opened my mouth with a sigh, our tongues meeting and dancing together. Her hands started to snake down between us and I chuckled, grabbing her hand.

"You sex crazed little girl, kissing doesn't mean sex." I mumbled against her lips and she smiled.

"It doesn't turn you on?" We broke our kiss, gazing into each others eyes.

"It does, but sex isn't everything." I smirked at her, giving her hands a gentle squeeze.

"How about I go fetch you something to eat and you go up in my room?" She nodded, kissing me quickly before turning and skipping up the stairs. I stood there listening, waiting to hear the my bedroom door open to make sure she didn't fall along the way, before going into the kitchen to make her something to eat. I threw some turkey on bread and poured her some milk, and headed up the stairs to my room. I opened the door, finding Bella rummaging through my closet.

"What are you doing?" She was wearing one of my hooded sweat shirts. She obviously found the cloths I used to wear, they weren't my style anymore.

"Why don't you wear this?" I shrugged, walking over to where she was standing. My sweat shirt made her look so small, but yet so adorable.

"I used to, its not my style anymore." She looked through everything on the second bar of my closet, the bar stacked with all my sweat shirts and t-shirts with a colorful collection fo skulls and skate symbols on them.

"_You_ used to skateboard? I had no idea" I chuckled at her tone.

"Like I said, I may not be a human, but I am a boy and there is a lot you don't know about me yet." She stared at me in awe.

"I want to know everything about you, and I can't believe you used to skateboard." I frowned at her playfully.

"You say that like it's a bad thing, I wasn't half bad!" She pulled my old skateboard out from the bottom of the closet. The bottom of the Baker was ruined, the image scrapped off so much, you couldn't tell that it said Baker. The tail was chipped at the end and the trucks were in some serious need of tightening.

"It's not a bad thing, but I couldn't picture you on this thing." I smirked at her.

"What else do teenage boys do?"

"Why did you stop?" I shrugged, not really sure of the answer to that myself.

"I got bored I guess, I loved it at the time though."

"Are you any good?"

"Alright I guess, it's been awhile." She handed me the skateboard and I looked at it. I had broken so many of these things before I got this one. Since balancing wasn't a problem and there was no fear of getting hurt, I always went for the hardest tricks, but getting the board to lang right where you need it to, wasn't always easy, and my more expensive boards couldn't handle it and snapped. This one was the cheapest one I ever got, but I loved the color and the red grip tape, and it with stood anything.

"Teach me to ride it." I looked up at her, smiling. Bella on a skateboard? _Bella._ My clumsy, klutzy Bella, on a skateboard?

"I don't want you to fall."

"You can catch me." She said simply, already heading out my door. I followed her down the stairs at a human pace, trying to think of how I could teach someone as clumsy as Bella to do something that required a lot of balance. She could learn, and if anyone could teach her, I could.


	13. Sk8er Boi

1She laid the skateboard on its wheels and I stood in front of her, my hands on her hips. I put both my feet under both ends of the boards so it wouldn't roll out from under her when she was getting on.

"Put one foot on those four screws and the other foot on the other four and bend your knees a little." She did what I told her slowly, grabbing onto my neck for more balance. She wobbled slightly from side to side before getting her balance.

"You okay so far?" She nodded and I took my feet out from under the board and gently pushed her forward, holding her tightly.

We rolled a few inches before the front left wheel hit a small rock, halting the board suddenly. I pulled Bella against me before she could fall and she giggled slightly.

"That's a lot harder than it looks." I kissed her nose and set her back on her feet and picked up the board myself, examining it. She put her arm around my waist, nuzzling my side.

"Are you going to show me a trick or two?" I looked down at her and smiled slightly.

"Sure, if that's what you want." I let go of her and started off with ease, the board gliding gently below me. I crouched slightly and rolled my heal off the side, flipping the board sideways twice before planting my feet back on the deck smoothly. I tapped the tail of the board and the front came up and I stepped off, grabbing the front trucks and holding it at my side.

"Your such a guy." I flashed my goofy crooked grin that she adored so much and she giggled slightly and trotted to my side. "Impressive skater boy." I had to laugh as she started humming the tune from that song about the girl that thought she was to good for the punk that was a skateboarder, than regretted judging him 5 years later when he was a rock star. She grinned at me and took the board from my hands and headed back to the house.

"Enough for one day, show off." I followed her inside, smirking at her as she tossed the board by the door and headed for the couch. I plopped down next to her, my arm sliding behind her and wrapping around her slender waist.

"Can you believe school starts in a week?" I had almost forgotten about that.

"Ah, I can not wait to be a senior for the 10th time around, what's more exhilarating than that?" She laughed and shrugged.

"Well it's my first time, so it's going to be an amazing time for me, and you get to be with me, doesn't that make you happy?"

"Sure it does, I just wish we didn't ever have to go back.."

"One more year, than you don't have to."

"I do, actually, when we leave Forks, I have to go back, I can't pass for more than 21, if that."

"You will have a few years off, and we never have to be apart." I liked the sound of that, a lot.

"I guess we have to start getting ready for a new school year than, don't we?"

"Sounds like we do."

"What about some school shopping?"

"That sounds fun." I was already caring her to the car.

**The song Edward was talking about was 'Sk8er Boi' by Avril Lavigne, incase you didn't catch that. Sorry this took so long. As for the random skateboarding idea, I was with my friend Matt when I wrote this and him and I love skating so I threw that idea in their, sorry if you didn't like it. Sorry this took so long to get updated, I will try to update more often, school just gets in the way sometimes.**


	14. Volvo

"Where are we going to go shopping?"

I glanced at her slyly, "Well, let me just make a call, and than we can pick." Her eyes widened as I pulled out my cell phone, hitting the number I memorized long, long ago. "Oh no Edward, please don't."

"Hello Alice."

'_Yes Edward, I will take Bella school shopping with you.'_

"Great, where exactly?"

'_Port Angles, see you their in 10.'_

I snapped the phone shut and looked at the love of my life. Her face was hard and I chuckled slightly. "Come on Bella, you knew Alice wouldn't let you go to school in the same cloths as last year." She huffed slightly, crossing her arms across her chest. I had to touch her, I wanted her warm hands in mine. I reached for her elbow, dragging my hand down to her wrist, taking her hand in mine gently. I heard her breathe catch as we pulled up along side the bored walk.

"Please try to smile, for me?" I leaned over to her, smiling at her, or she called it, _dazzling _her. I could hear her heart speed up as my face inched closer to hers, her breathe halting as my lips met hers. I meant for it to be a quick kiss, but Bella had other plans.

Her hands found my hair and my hands searched for her seat belt, unbuckling her and bringing her into my lap, our lips never separating. My tongue pushed against her lips, asking for permission to enter her mouth. She complied happily, her mouth opening to my tongue. My hands found her neck, holding her to me as she twisted her head, her tongue mingling gently with mine.

I dragged my hands down her shoulders, getting to her waist and winding my arms around them. My lips left hers, kissing her neck gently up to her ear. "Breathe Bella." She gasped slightly, her fingers tugging at my hair as she herself back at my lips. Our kisses were becoming more frantic and needy, our breathing speeding up.

"You know, you two need to get a room, the Volvo is a good car and all, but I don't think it can handle a horny vampire." Our lips broke and we looked over to the passenger seat. Alice sat with an innocent smile on her face, Bella instantly turned red and tucked her face into my neck and I kissed the top of her head lovingly. I loved when she blushed, even though she hated it.

"Well Alice, if your car can handle _two_ horny vampires, I believe my Volvo can handle one horny vampire and a human." That took the smile off her face but Bella cuddled closer to me. I knew she hated that Alice and I were having this conversation "Your right Edward, but can it handle a horny _virgin_ vampire?" Alice broke out laughing and I looked down at Bella who giggled slightly. "Oh Alice, leave him alone." I flashed Bella her crooked grin when she raised her head and looked me in the eyes. I thought for sure Alice would have seen _us, _I guess she was loosing her touch.

"Fine, defend your vampire, can we go shopping now?" I rolled my eyes at how impatient she was, her thoughts taking the same path as her words, she wanted to go shopping, now.

'_Lets go Edward, before its not a horny vampire that destroys your precious Volvo, it's an angry one.'_

"Alright Alice, lets not hurt the car, what did it ever do to you?" I patted the steering wheel lovingly and Alice sighed in frustration, hopping out of the car. "Edward?" I looked down at Bella, "Yes my love?" She grinned sheepishly, "I love you."

The words warmed my silent heart and I was sure I felt it leap in my chest slightly as I gazed into her eyes. "I love you too my sweet, sweet Bella." My lips found hers again, I couldn't help myself. That driver-side door opened and Alice pulled Bella out of my grip. I growled, frustrated that I couldn't kiss _my_ own girlfriend in _my_ own car.

"I swear, I'm going to have chain you down Edward to keep you two off of each other." I grinned at her slightly, if she thinks chains could keep me away from my Bella, she didn't know me very well.


	15. An Eternity Of Love

a/n: Hey everyone, this is one of my favorite stories to write, and like all good things, they have to come to an end, so this is the last chapter to Lovers Ties, for now. I promise that after I catch up and finish my other WIP's, a sequal is my next project that I will start. When I start the sequel, I will post an alert in this story so people with this story on their alerts will see that I started the sequel and they can go read it.

I'm actually going to leave it up to you guys on what sequal you would most like to read.

1 The same story re-written into Bella's point of view

2 A story taking place after Lovers Ties still written in Edward's point of view. I can do both, but which I do first is up to you, include your vote in your review if you're interested.

This chapter is nice and long with a good ending, I hope you enjoyed it.

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After hours of Alice not only picking out Bella's cloths, but mine as well, Bella had finally had enough. "No Alice, no, I _refuse _to go into one more store and get try on anything more." Alice grabbed Bella's hand but Bella's eyes shot to mine, her eyes pleading with me to finally stop this. Her eyes melted my heart and I grabbed her other hand, snatching her back into my arms.

"Thanks for your assistance Alice, but I think I will take it from here." Alice spun on her heels, glaring at me. "We only picked out a few pairs of jeans and three shirts." I rolled my eyes, Alice and her shopping, enough was never enough. "That's plenty for now, I think it's about time we stopped." I turned my attention to Bella than, showing Alice that no negotiation would be made at this point. "Bella, my love, are you to tired or can dinner be added in before we head home?" Her face lit up and she clutched my and in hers. "Of course I want to go to dinner with you, don't I always? I could never be to tired for that."

__

'I help you get your girlfriend to go shopping, and I don't even get invited to dinner?'

Alice's mind alerted me that she wanted to tag along, and as reluctant as I was, I turned to her with a small sigh. "Would you care to join us Alice?" Alice smiled her small pixie smile and shook her head, "No thank you, I think I will go home and see Jasper." I grunted quietly, "But you just said..." I didn't even bother to finish my sentence as she winked at me, "Just reminding my little brother of his manners, is all, have a nice dinner you two, see you both at home." I chuckled slightly, Alice was something else sometimes.

"Where to Bella, you pick the meal, since you're the one who will be eating it." We swung our intertwined hands back and forth slightly as Bella thought. "How about we go to the first restaurant we ever went to dinner together at, remember?" I grinned to myself, "How could I ever forget such an amazing place?" Her smile matched mine as I led her towards the first restaurant we ever went to together.

It was a short walk and I held the door open for her, letting her go in first before I wrapped my arm around her waist. "A table for two, the most private booth you have." I shot a wink at Bella and she winked back and I chuckled slightly.

__

'I have never seen someone so beautiful, what is so special about her that someone like him would pick such an average looking girl?'

I gritted my teeth as our waitress's thoughts took the familiar course as the many females Bella and I crossed paths when we were together. Little did she know, little did they all know that Bella was not an average girl, not look wise, not in anyway. 

All my angry instantly retreated when the waitress set down our menu's on a table, the same table that Bella and I sat at that first night. We both stopped walking, clutching at each others hands as we were flooded with memories. The waitress watched us curiously as I turned to Bella slowly, our eyes locking right away.

I leaned in, kissing her gently before leaning my forehead against hers. "You know, I'm still waiting for you to go into shock, it never came." She giggled, rolling her eyes and leading me over to the familiar table, sitting on the same side she did last time.

"Do you need a minute to look over the menu?" I looked to Bella and she shook her head. She explained her order, ordering the same dish that she did the first time, and I ordered my coke and nothing more. Her hand reached for mine across the table and I took it in both of mine, playing with her fingers gently.

"That's one change, do you remember the first time we tried to do this?" I looked up, meeting her eyes with a shy smile. "Of course I remember that as well, I also remember how shy I was. I was such a fool than, forgive me?" She rolled her eyes and I put on her favorite crooked grin, the one that she accused of dazzling her at this same table. "You're doing it again, dazzling me, as always." I chuckled, this was actually kind of fun, it was like reliving one of the best evenings of my life.

When Bella and I first came here to this very table in this very restaurant, things had been so much different. I was still confused, torn. I was still unsure of whether or not I could be around her, still unsure if I could handle it, but there was one thing I was sure of than, and I was still sure of now, and that was how in love with her I was.

I looked down at her small hand in my big one and smiled, "How times have changed, how we have changed." She brought my hands up to her face and rested them against her cheek and closed her eyes. "Edward, do you have any idea how in love with you I am?" Her eyes opened slowly and I brushed my thumb back and forth across her lips gently. "I have an idea, yes, because my own love for you is even stronger." She stuck her tongue at me and I smiled at her, pinching her cheeks playfully.

"Is not." I couldn't help it, I laughed at her childness. "Is to." She giggled at my reply, taking my hands in hers and interlocking our fingers and resting our elbows on the table, pushing against my hands. "And just how do you know this, Mr. Cullen?" I raised my eyes to the ceiling, biting my lip and pretending to think hard about my answer, even though the answer was as obvious as the difference between night and day.

"Because I love you so much, that if anyone loved someone more than I loved you, they would explode." She skipped giggling this time and we both laughed, hard. "Okay, but if I explode someday, you know why."

__

'And if I throw up, you know why. I could do so much more for him, I bet she doesn't even know how to-'

I blocked her thoughts right their, I wasn't interested in whatever she thought. She set the plate down on the table along with the sodas, turning and leaving without another word, not that it mattered.

I let go of Bella's hand and crossed my arms on the table, resting my chin on them, watching her. She popped a ravioli into her mouth and I winced. "Bella, I will never understand how you could eat that." She rolled her eyes, stabbing a noodle and holding it out to me. "Smell it, smells yummy, right? Look at it and all it's juicy butter." I put my face in my arms, groaning slightly. "You're going to make me vomit, and I don't think that's possible." I heard her chew the vile substance on her plate, her strong teeth and jaw crushing into unrecognizable clumps.

"Hey, there was a time that you ate stuff like this, even if it was a long time ago." I moved back to resting my chin on my arms, tilting my head to the right a little. "True, but I'm sure I didn't like it much." She rolled her eyes, taking a sip of the soda through a short white straw. "Okay Edward, I'm sure a human didn't like human food."

I watched her eat, I knew me watching her used to make her uncomfortable, but she seemed to have gotten used to it, ignoring the fact that my eyes were boring into her, watching her every move. I could hear everything, the quiet squish her fork made when it slide into the noodle, the grinding of her jaw bones as they crushed the food.

She finished the whole plate and drank one and a half of the sodas. "Finished or are you still hungry?" I lifted my head, reaching into my pocket for my wallet. "I'm full, thanks, but I do know what I want for desert." I thought she was going to say ice cream or something, like a normal human, but when my eyes met hers, her were lust filled and I swallowed hard.

"I should have known you wouldn't ask for ice cream." I murmured more to myself than her, but she giggled anyway. "You don't want desert?" I looked at her, flashing my lop sided grin, just for her, everything I did was just for her. "I didn't eat dinner, how could I have desert." She rolled her eyes, taking my hand and rubbing it gently, "I think you can have desert before dinner once in awhile, that is, unless you're not hungry." I watched her, both of us staring at each other before I broke out into a smile, losing my poker face.

"I'm not hungry, I'm starving, let's get out of here." I handed a bill to the waitress, taking Bella's hand and calling over my shoulder, "Keep the change." I could feel her eyes watching us we left, her thoughts still wondering what I found so amazing about Bella, and I was starting to think she was blind.

"So Bella, what's on the menu for tonight?" I asked her as we walked out onto the deserted street, it was Twilight, my favorite time, every vampire's favorite time. "Anything you want Edward." I looked at her innocently as we reached my Volvo. "Don't I get some time to look?" She smiled seductively, sending a shiver down my spine as I opened the door for her. She had this thought that she was bad at being seductive, little did she know she was the master of it.

I myself was not as good as her, no one could be as good as her at seduction. How could someone as innocent as Bella be so damn good at something like that? Sometimes I wondered if she was really as innocent as I thought. "You can have all the time you want." I got in the driver seat, starting the car quickly, she was making me anxious to get home. I'm sure if I could sweat, I would be soaked right now.

Her hand was on my knee as we started driving and I pushed on the accelerator even harder, forcing it down on the floor. She dragged her hand up slowly and I struggled to keep my concentration on the road. "Where would you like to eat?" I ignored her question, using all of my attention I could spare on the road as her hand reached the inside of my high thigh. "Not in the Volvo." My voice was strained and tense with lust, it was husky and I felt Bella shiver slightly at the sound of my voice, but that didn't stop her hand.

Her hand brushed against my hand and I grunted, pulling the car over to the shoulder and pulling her onto my lap, facing me, before she could even blink. Our faces were inches apart, I could feel her warm sweet breath on my face, dazing me slightly. "Isabella Marie Swan, this is hardly far." She grinned slightly and I took her hands and wrapped them around my neck, kissing her quickly. "What do you have to say for yourself you little vixen?" She leaned down and kissed my neck and I let my head fall back automatically.

"I say, you shut up and kiss me already," She mumbled against my neck, sending another shiver down my spine slightly. "I say that's a good idea." I pulled her lips away from my neck and crushed mine to hers. Fire and ice, that's exactly what we were. How could I have ever considered leaving her? What was I thinking? It usually wasn't possible for fire and ice to live together, but in this case, it was a nesscesity that they live together, if the fire was without the ice, the fire would extinguish, if the ice was without the fire, the ice would melt.

I made a mental note to never listen to myself again, officially. I almost made the stupidest mistake of my very long existence, one I would have regretted for the rest of eternity, one that would have not only destroyed me, but Bella as well. I stopped thinking and just started feeling, getting lost in the feeling of her lips on mine as I often found myself doing without meaning to. If this was eternity, I would always be happy. Nothing could be better than spending forever with Bella.

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a/n: That's it for this story, don't forget to answer the question I asked in the beginning of the chapter a/n's. I hope you liked the ending. While you guys wait for the sequel, I started my first all-human story called A Work Of Art, and I just updated it, feel free to go check it out. Thanks for reading this whole thing, i hope you enjoyed it, reviews please.


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